This is going to be hard.
Connection sucks sometimes.
We are meant for connection, but we become exposed. We want to be safe and secure not exposed. Sure we can have superficial "facebook" friends and feel connected. We can choose our words carefully, say something witty, quote someone else, or just provide a list of our activities.
Face to face it can get ugly.
First off let me say, I am wounded and a wreck sometimes because of it. I have started to see it, recognize it, and I have learned to turn to God to replace the lies with truth. It still hurts.
I will admit I am a closet control freak. I even control the fact that I am a control freak. Wow!! When someone else is in charge of my life I get uncomfortable real quick. Sometimes I get downright angry about it. Just try driving in front of me in the fast lane on the interstate doing the speed limit. How dare you tell me how fast I can go. I love to learn so I am constantly asking questions, but if it is something I don't initiate I don't want to be taught anything. I am really struggling with where this comes from. Somewhere in my past I have made a vow that I would never let anyone control my life.
Or better yet, the lie I hear is " You are on your own"!
If I am on my own, I must be in control. I must!
Here is where the pain starts. It starts when you engage in a relationship with someone who either has the same wound, or is truly a helpful loving individual. Your world gets tilted a bit when this happens. You don't know what to do, so you fight for control or you just simply walk away so that you are "on your own". Just one example of how connection can be messy.
I am learning that connection is necessary, I am learning that I am not on my own, and I am learning how to become unoffendable. I have to realize that we are all wounded and we act out of that woundedness. When the wounds collide it can get ugly real quick!
So... here's to being exposed and becoming unoffendable! Ouch!!
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
proud of me part two
After writing the last blog entry it has been amazing to see how much this saying "are you proud of me?" plays into our lives.
I recently watched "Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs" and I was blown away. Good movie, I really enjoyed it. I have to admit I laughed out loud in parts and cried in parts. I won't do a movie review here I promise. The point is that the main character Flint Lockwood is so wounded and ties so hard to please everyone, especially his father. After having some success at one of his endeavors he tells his father all about it and then screams at him "Are you proud of me?" The father (who is wounded himself) clearly does not know how to respond and ends up not responding.
Ouch!!
The other memorable moment this week was on "Biggest Loser" the TV show. One of the "couples" are actually cousins and they are very close to their family. One of them mentions that the greatest thing he could hear was "I am proud of you" from his father. I don't really have to say this because as you can guess he was crying we he said it.
Why does this affect us so much?? Why do we need this?
I don't think my previous blog entry uncovered any great revelation, but I think it is a start. We need to spend time with God and ask Him, NOT are you proud of me, but who am I, what is my name, who have you created me to be? Once we understand the answer to the latter questions we get perspective of who we are and we can smile, because we know we have purpose, meaning and fulfillment through Him who created us.
I recently watched "Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs" and I was blown away. Good movie, I really enjoyed it. I have to admit I laughed out loud in parts and cried in parts. I won't do a movie review here I promise. The point is that the main character Flint Lockwood is so wounded and ties so hard to please everyone, especially his father. After having some success at one of his endeavors he tells his father all about it and then screams at him "Are you proud of me?" The father (who is wounded himself) clearly does not know how to respond and ends up not responding.
Ouch!!
The other memorable moment this week was on "Biggest Loser" the TV show. One of the "couples" are actually cousins and they are very close to their family. One of them mentions that the greatest thing he could hear was "I am proud of you" from his father. I don't really have to say this because as you can guess he was crying we he said it.
Why does this affect us so much?? Why do we need this?
I don't think my previous blog entry uncovered any great revelation, but I think it is a start. We need to spend time with God and ask Him, NOT are you proud of me, but who am I, what is my name, who have you created me to be? Once we understand the answer to the latter questions we get perspective of who we are and we can smile, because we know we have purpose, meaning and fulfillment through Him who created us.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
are you proud of me?
This one hit me twice last night.
The age old question we want answered, are you proud of me?
First things first before I get into my story. We need to answer who this question is intended for. Is it our best friends? Not generally. We don't require much validation in our friendships, we just require companionship and like mindedness for the most part. Is it our peers at work? Again, not really. How about our bosses, coaches or someone in an authority role? I think we are getting closer! We do want some validation that we are doing good work and that it is appreciated, but at the end of the day when we receive the award, promotion, raise, bonus or trophy we want someone else to validate it and speak the words "I am proud of you". My contention is that we long to hear those words from only one person.
Our Fathers!
I was watching the season premier of "American Idol" last night and I saw a girl get the golden ticket and she was very excited. All of the judges said she was great, so the validation should have been there..... right? I mean Simon Cowell said you were terrific! What did she do after she left the audition room.... she called her father and told him that she was "going to Hollywood", and right after that she asked "are you proud of me?" It made my heart sink, because I know that feeling of having to ask that question.
Right after American Idol we caught Sandra Bullock on Jay Leno. She was discussing her latest film "Blindside" and how she invited her father to the premier. She was excited to see what her father had to say, because she thought it was her best work, and she commented that I guess I still want to know that my dad is proud of me. At 40+ years old she still needed her dad to be proud of her.
I don't know if I ever asked that question out loud to my father, but I know I asked it in so many other ways when I was younger. I tried to join him in what he did, and I tried to do the same sports he did. I think at some point I just gave up even though the longing was still there.
Some will want that question answered from their spouses, but the confirmation they receive will never be enough.
The reality is ........ well, the reality is this is making me quite sad to think about and write about. So... how do we get that question answered finally and completely? That my friend is a process you must go through with God.
Only God can answer that question, not by saying I am proud of you, but in you doing the work of pursuing God and finding out who you are and who God made you to be. Once that is revealed you have the freedom of living a life, not under a cloud of questions about our worth, but with a true understanding of your inheritance as sons and daughters. I am reminded of the story of Jacob (whose name means deceiver) and how he wrestled with God all night and would not let go of Him. God touches Jacob hip so that it was injured but Jacob still held on. Jacob told God he would not let go until God blessed him.
The man (God) asked him, "what is your name?" "Jacob" he answered. Then the man said "Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel, because you have struggled with God and with men and have overcome" Genesis 32: 27-28
Jacob would not let go of God until he was blessed. God changed his name from "deceiver", to "he struggles with God". What a blessing. I think that was "I am proud of you" from God.
May you hold onto God tightly and wrestle in prayer about your name and your identity in Him. And don't ever let go!
The age old question we want answered, are you proud of me?
First things first before I get into my story. We need to answer who this question is intended for. Is it our best friends? Not generally. We don't require much validation in our friendships, we just require companionship and like mindedness for the most part. Is it our peers at work? Again, not really. How about our bosses, coaches or someone in an authority role? I think we are getting closer! We do want some validation that we are doing good work and that it is appreciated, but at the end of the day when we receive the award, promotion, raise, bonus or trophy we want someone else to validate it and speak the words "I am proud of you". My contention is that we long to hear those words from only one person.
Our Fathers!
I was watching the season premier of "American Idol" last night and I saw a girl get the golden ticket and she was very excited. All of the judges said she was great, so the validation should have been there..... right? I mean Simon Cowell said you were terrific! What did she do after she left the audition room.... she called her father and told him that she was "going to Hollywood", and right after that she asked "are you proud of me?" It made my heart sink, because I know that feeling of having to ask that question.
Right after American Idol we caught Sandra Bullock on Jay Leno. She was discussing her latest film "Blindside" and how she invited her father to the premier. She was excited to see what her father had to say, because she thought it was her best work, and she commented that I guess I still want to know that my dad is proud of me. At 40+ years old she still needed her dad to be proud of her.
I don't know if I ever asked that question out loud to my father, but I know I asked it in so many other ways when I was younger. I tried to join him in what he did, and I tried to do the same sports he did. I think at some point I just gave up even though the longing was still there.
Some will want that question answered from their spouses, but the confirmation they receive will never be enough.
The reality is ........ well, the reality is this is making me quite sad to think about and write about. So... how do we get that question answered finally and completely? That my friend is a process you must go through with God.
Only God can answer that question, not by saying I am proud of you, but in you doing the work of pursuing God and finding out who you are and who God made you to be. Once that is revealed you have the freedom of living a life, not under a cloud of questions about our worth, but with a true understanding of your inheritance as sons and daughters. I am reminded of the story of Jacob (whose name means deceiver) and how he wrestled with God all night and would not let go of Him. God touches Jacob hip so that it was injured but Jacob still held on. Jacob told God he would not let go until God blessed him.
The man (God) asked him, "what is your name?" "Jacob" he answered. Then the man said "Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel, because you have struggled with God and with men and have overcome" Genesis 32: 27-28
Jacob would not let go of God until he was blessed. God changed his name from "deceiver", to "he struggles with God". What a blessing. I think that was "I am proud of you" from God.
May you hold onto God tightly and wrestle in prayer about your name and your identity in Him. And don't ever let go!
Saturday, January 09, 2010
music
Just listening to some Clash on my iPod and really appreciating the production of the song “Train in Vain”. It has a wonderful stereo effect not only on the instruments, but on the vocals as well. The vocals were recorded twice, once in the left channel and once in the right channel. The effect is very cool. This got me to thinking about the difference between the written music including the lyrics, and the enjoyment of the experience of music.
I liken this to the written words of the Bible and the experience of relationship with God. I mean the music and the Gospel, when it comes down to it, is just ink on paper. The notes are all there and the words to accompany the notes are there, but to just look at it, it doesn’t mean much. Yes, the lyric may be very touching and even if you can read music the melody might be delightful to hum, but until it gets put together with all of the fullness of the instruments and the vocals it is just a sheet of paper.
Same thing with the Bible. There are words on paper. Some of the words are touching, and some of the stories are filled with intrigue and romance. So we read them, choose for them to be true, and then exhibit faith that we trust and believe in God, His son Jesus, and His death and resurrection. We believe Jesus can save us from hell, and we believe that he can wash away our sins and forgive us. But we still live a life that is trying to be more pleasing to God than it is experiencing the relationship with God. We try to follow the rules, we concentrate on the spiritual disciplines, we pray more, and sometime we believe that if we are not continually asking for forgiveness we could die and not go to heaven.
Now if we take the words of the Bible and translate it into the Story that God is telling it can help us understand our story a lot better. We get a glimpse of a God who loves us furiously, and He pursues us continuously.
Let’s take some song examples:
“Think” - Aretha Franklin; when you look at the music the lyrics are good, but the melody seems to stay in one place during the chorus and if you hummed it would sound quite silly. Now listen to Aretha sing it and WOW!! She nails it! So much emotion in her voice and the song comes to life.
“The Messiah – Hallelujah Chorus” – Handel; Here is one where you look at the lyrics and go wow, how many times can they say Hallelujah in one song? It is based on writings in Isaiah and the lyrics are good, but just looking at the lyrics, they are repetitive at best. It is one of the most powerful worship songs ever.
My last example is that of music that sometimes has inconsequential or somewhat abstract lyrics, but the music is exceptional. The Progressive Rock bands of the 70’s come to mind here with their complex music structure including augmented chord progressions, and more of a Classical /Jazz influence than Rock. The music had texture and emotion in the music alone.
God is telling a story that is filled with emotion, rhythm and texture that goes way beyond ink on paper.
Eyes and ears can provide the knowledge, but only the heart can bring you the full experience of God.
I liken this to the written words of the Bible and the experience of relationship with God. I mean the music and the Gospel, when it comes down to it, is just ink on paper. The notes are all there and the words to accompany the notes are there, but to just look at it, it doesn’t mean much. Yes, the lyric may be very touching and even if you can read music the melody might be delightful to hum, but until it gets put together with all of the fullness of the instruments and the vocals it is just a sheet of paper.
Same thing with the Bible. There are words on paper. Some of the words are touching, and some of the stories are filled with intrigue and romance. So we read them, choose for them to be true, and then exhibit faith that we trust and believe in God, His son Jesus, and His death and resurrection. We believe Jesus can save us from hell, and we believe that he can wash away our sins and forgive us. But we still live a life that is trying to be more pleasing to God than it is experiencing the relationship with God. We try to follow the rules, we concentrate on the spiritual disciplines, we pray more, and sometime we believe that if we are not continually asking for forgiveness we could die and not go to heaven.
Now if we take the words of the Bible and translate it into the Story that God is telling it can help us understand our story a lot better. We get a glimpse of a God who loves us furiously, and He pursues us continuously.
Let’s take some song examples:
“Think” - Aretha Franklin; when you look at the music the lyrics are good, but the melody seems to stay in one place during the chorus and if you hummed it would sound quite silly. Now listen to Aretha sing it and WOW!! She nails it! So much emotion in her voice and the song comes to life.
“The Messiah – Hallelujah Chorus” – Handel; Here is one where you look at the lyrics and go wow, how many times can they say Hallelujah in one song? It is based on writings in Isaiah and the lyrics are good, but just looking at the lyrics, they are repetitive at best. It is one of the most powerful worship songs ever.
My last example is that of music that sometimes has inconsequential or somewhat abstract lyrics, but the music is exceptional. The Progressive Rock bands of the 70’s come to mind here with their complex music structure including augmented chord progressions, and more of a Classical /Jazz influence than Rock. The music had texture and emotion in the music alone.
God is telling a story that is filled with emotion, rhythm and texture that goes way beyond ink on paper.
Eyes and ears can provide the knowledge, but only the heart can bring you the full experience of God.
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