are you proud of me?

This one hit me twice last night.

The age old question we want answered, are you proud of me?

First things first before I get into my story. We need to answer who this question is intended for. Is it our best friends? Not generally. We don't require much validation in our friendships, we just require companionship and like mindedness for the most part. Is it our peers at work? Again, not really. How about our bosses, coaches or someone in an authority role? I think we are getting closer! We do want some validation that we are doing good work and that it is appreciated, but at the end of the day when we receive the award, promotion, raise, bonus or trophy we want someone else to validate it and speak the words "I am proud of you". My contention is that we long to hear those words from only one person.

Our Fathers!

I was watching the season premier of "American Idol" last night and I saw a girl get the golden ticket and she was very excited. All of the judges said she was great, so the validation should have been there..... right? I mean Simon Cowell said you were terrific! What did she do after she left the audition room.... she called her father and told him that she was "going to Hollywood", and right after that she asked "are you proud of me?" It made my heart sink, because I know that feeling of having to ask that question.

Right after American Idol we caught Sandra Bullock on Jay Leno. She was discussing her latest film "Blindside" and how she invited her father to the premier. She was excited to see what her father had to say, because she thought it was her best work, and she commented that I guess I still want to know that my dad is proud of me. At 40+ years old she still needed her dad to be proud of her.

I don't know if I ever asked that question out loud to my father, but I know I asked it in so many other ways when I was younger. I tried to join him in what he did, and I tried to do the same sports he did. I think at some point I just gave up even though the longing was still there.

Some will want that question answered from their spouses, but the confirmation they receive will never be enough.

The reality is ........ well, the reality is this is making me quite sad to think about and write about. So... how do we get that question answered finally and completely? That my friend is a process you must go through with God.

Only God can answer that question, not by saying I am proud of you, but in you doing the work of pursuing God and finding out who you are and who God made you to be. Once that is revealed you have the freedom of living a life, not under a cloud of questions about our worth, but with a true understanding of your inheritance as sons and daughters. I am reminded of the story of Jacob (whose name means deceiver) and how he wrestled with God all night and would not let go of Him. God touches Jacob hip so that it was injured but Jacob still held on. Jacob told God he would not let go until God blessed him.

The man (God) asked him, "what is your name?" "Jacob" he answered. Then the man said "Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel, because you have struggled with God and with men and have overcome" Genesis 32: 27-28

Jacob would not let go of God until he was blessed. God changed his name from "deceiver", to "he struggles with God". What a blessing. I think that was "I am proud of you" from God.

May you hold onto God tightly and wrestle in prayer about your name and your identity in Him. And don't ever let go!